Denial

If I sit and think about it…

I’m broken.

We’ve been together for too long to have reached this point now.

What if, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel?

What if, you realize my biggest fears and this temporary split turns into a permanent one?

I always knew what I wanted.

I knew who I wanted to be when I was too young to know how to be it.

But you’re different. You fell into the water and let it show you all its tricks. You picked the ones you liked best and in time, you’ve discovered where you’d like to be buried.

Or so you say…

But what if …?

I can only hope that at the end of this you will come back with the same conviction you left with. That you will return with a spade to keep digging out our path, with me.

Till then.

I’ll be here, with a certain level of denial that I have decided to adopt.

Just enough denial to give me hope now, when I need it.


6 Comments

fullcircle · May 4, 2018 at 6:27 pm

Never lose faith in the one you love. They might just surprise you, especially if they know there’s someone who truly wants to dig together, wherever that path may lead.

    anushka abraham ('nushka) · May 4, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    Never lose faith, but also learn when to let go…

      fullcircle · May 4, 2018 at 7:49 pm

      What if your faith tells you to keep holding on??? Even when it doesn’t make sense.

        anushka abraham ('nushka) · May 5, 2018 at 4:29 pm

        I think we create our faith, all subliminally, and we have more control over it than we assume to. I say this easily and I’m the one that’s held on when i should have let go, but I re evaluated why I did, and I found out it wasn’t faith, but it was a mix of insecurity, projection and hugely due to my past and who I was brought up around,

          fullcircle · May 5, 2018 at 6:07 pm

          I’m not thinking that’s the case in my situation… What I mean by faith is that I have to trust that gut feeling or inner voice telling me to hold on. And I’ve had opportunities to move on but didn’t pursue them because of the strong feelings I still can’t get to diminish.

          anushka abraham ('nushka) · May 6, 2018 at 11:45 pm

          That’s wonderful, but be kind to yourself.

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