I don’t know if anyone reads this blog or not, it’s super new, but just in case..
I want to share my journey with you. This is like a totally new concept for me. Being single. I’m 36 and I’ve NEVER actually been single. I don’t even think for a month. Being alone has always terrified me and made me so sad and miserable. I’m sure that comes from my abandonment issues I have from my father not being around. He has since passed, and it seems to have made things a bit worse.
From 16 years old.. I had a 4 year relationship then a 12 year marriage, followed by a 3 1/2 year relationship and now the latest.. 8 month relationship with the man I’ve known for 17 years. Literally no breaths in between.
I was at the store just yesterday and I was there for a while because I was picking out things for my bathroom that I’m redoing. And I thought to myself.. I need to hurry before so and so gets home… you know because I always wanted to be around them and make sure I was available to them. And then I was like… oh wait, I don’t have to rush anywhere! And it felt like this huge weight was lifted.
I always thought I knew myself pretty well. But, hell, maybe I don’t. I probably don’t, honestly. I’ve been one half to a whole for so long that I’ve never had to be whole all on my own. Do things all on my own. Fix things all on my own. Watch movies all on my own. But maybe this is just what I need. Time alone with just me. To date myself. To ask myself dating questions…. what do you like to do for fun? What do you do in your free time? Etc etc..
So, I’m going to blog about it all here. Because this is a whole new experience for me. This means I’m not even going to have sex with any guys…. well… try my hardest. I love sex…. but I’m going to try. And I will wait. I’ll wait for the right guy to come along before I actually commit to anyone. And in the meantime… I’m going to date myself.
Be kind to yourself.