Learning to be Alone

So, I’m newly single. And by newly, I mean like a week. This shit sucks, btw. So what do I do? Run away from the pain, of course. It’s a natural human response. Get as far away from what’s hurting you as possible.

One night, I’m laying in bed.. sobbing.. and I’m like.. I hate this room. I’m going to paint it. Because I’m an expert painter and all, having did it.. never. But, never mind that, the next day, I go to Home Depot and get all the shit I need. Including a three-step ladder because I’m only 5’2″. Hell, I’m even going to do an accent wall AND paint my bathroom. How hard can it be??

Day 1… I literally fell into my wall that I already painted TWICE. You can see my strands of hair marks if you look closely enough. I had paint on my feet, arms, hands, and somehow my stomach.

Besides all that, days 1-4 I would periodically just stop painting and cry. I couldn’t help it. The tears would just come. And then I would stop crying and just keep going. Well, yesterday was Day 5 of painting. I was finishing up the trim work and when I was completely finished, I realized I hadn’t cried one time. Thank God.

It still hurts and I’m still lonely. But it may be a tiny bit easier. And I also learned to not run from the pain. Yes, go ahead and keep yourself busy. But cry every time you feel it coming on. Every. Single. Time. Do not run from that. Your body has got to release that. Oh, and I also learned that I’m not doing my bathroom anytime soon. That shit is hard! I’m going to attach some pics of my room so you guys can see.. don’t mind the other mess..

Be kind to yourself.


Diana Foxx

I share my content on here from my website: notyoureverydayfairytale.com I'm 36 years old. Mother of three older children. Business owner. Literally still learning life as I go.

6 Comments

XandraXandra · April 23, 2018 at 9:08 pm

Relationship death is the opposite of child birth, the pains will get farther apart. Until they get far enough apart to breathe just enjoy the learning curve. You got this baby! Goddess up! (As in Cowboy Up not man up LOL)

lovesdeepwaters · April 23, 2018 at 9:17 pm

Great job! Being a prison wife sucks too. I have waves of grief that hit me out of nowhere! I know it’s hard but you are right. Cry when it comes and stay busy are they keys to being alone.

Onyemomma · April 23, 2018 at 11:31 pm

I’m with you, let yourself feel and then use the energy towards something like painting…Ugh. but that’s what I want to do. I’m going to paint my room. If you can do it so can I.

    Diana Foxx · April 24, 2018 at 2:13 am

    Seriously.. do it. And stop and cry as many times as you have to. Turn a radio on let the painting get you thru some of the hard times though.

MacThule · April 24, 2018 at 2:50 am

Finding a good way to make yourself cry always helps.

Last time I was single, I decided I wasn’t going to be “Single” anymore, I was just going to be as I was and not think of my condition as the lesser half of a single-together duality. I just imagined the rest of my life would be that way, cried it out, and got on with it. It became a lot easier to make friends because I had let go of the emotional baggage and the agenda of getting un-singled. Of course, as a result an awesome new relationship eventually developed… but at that point I would have been fine had it not as well.

Letitgocoach · May 6, 2018 at 7:27 am

Painting always helps. Excellent, inexpensive therapy. Once the project is complete, you get to enjoy the fruits of your labor, but there is something about it that soothes the soul. xx

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