I have had a lifetime full of toxic relationships. As an Empath, and because of my desire to always help people, I always attracted those that needed help. This was both positive and negative: the positive was the fulfilment I experienced from helping people; the negative was the exhaustion and other problems that arose from helping those that didn’t want to help themselves. And it was only in 2017 when I found the courage to make positive life choices and remove those toxic relationships from my life.
I have read plenty of articles, blogs, stories and advices from others who have had similar experiences but there are few that honour the Spiritual reasons for such a relationship.
I always seek out the truth of life; the truth of why things happen the way they do. I find that gaining understanding is the only way to receive lasting healing and release all the pain. (This is the main reason that the readings I give are of a Spiritual nature, aimed at understanding karma and life purpose.)
Every person that enters our lives, comes with a purpose. It maybe as simple as bringing fun, or as complex as helping us to learn to forgive through repeated hurts and traumas. Whatever the reason, I believe that it is important to honour the souls that caused us the most pain, because they are our greatest teachers.
Some years ago, I wrote a lot of poetry. It helped me to express what was going on inside of me. The poem that follows is one such poem.
When I look at you I see myself, the imperfections and every flaw;
It doesn’t seem that long ago that you and I were always at war.
The evil looks; the cruel words; so may times I wished you away.
You pulled me down; you caged me in; you took my joy, my sense of play.
You tried to take control of me, pull my strings and dominate;
But I rebelled which made things worse; fuelling anger, causing hate.
You bullied me and criticised and chipped away at my esteem;
You picked on me in front of friends and laughed at me; you were so mean.
If I went to cuddle you I always got your cold hard shell.
I questioned you about your love, but all we seemed to do was yell.
It got so bad I thought I’d leave; more than once I packed a bag.
You never seemed to give me space; you always were a constant nag.
I look back now and wonder how I stayed with you for many years;
After all you damaged me and helped me build me greatest fears.
One day I changed; I saw the light and I awoke from deep dark pain;
I took a step outside myself and saw there was so much to gain.
I realise now you are my guide, you taught me wrong so I learned right;
So all the pain, the hurt, the rage, I let it go into the light.
Without you, I wouldn’t be me; it’s thanks to you I’ve come so far;
And now I stand so strong and wise, because of you my shining star.
I hope you enjoyed this post. If so, please share – I have plenty more poems!
Love and peace.