Terms of Endearment

Some of us have assholes for grandmas.
Manipulative, cruel, cowardly.
Mean-ass little, old lady.
Ha. Lady. About the farthest thing from.
Perhaps she used to be.
I can never know.

Now all that’s left is bitterness,
Mean spirited remarks.
“Oh, not your people dear-
I was talking about the Arabs.”
Welcome to the family! Don’t mind the asshole.

Maybe she’s forgotten how her father made it here,
How she made it here.
But I don’t think so.
It’s the perspective, the sense of entitlement.
So demanding.
It’s envy, jealousy, pettyness.
So sad.

Still in disbelief,
And the realization shouldn’t have taken this long to settle in..
But it has.
Just now.
It caught me by surprise again.
Don’t you hate that?

Three houses, countless cars, trips, cards, support, both emotional and financial,
No wonder she has none left for us.
Unwilling to even display our photos,
Her grandchildren.
Stacked, dusty, on a shelf in the basement, framed especially for her.
“You have such a beautiful family.”
But not beautiful enough for the parlor,
A more suitable place was found.
Empty words, falling on deaf ears.

I held my tongue as Jafar laughed. An evil laugh.
Feeble and almost helpless, and yet,
Still unappreciative and cruel.
Angry at her daughters for being beautiful,
Independent and intelligent. Successful.
To smart to be played against one another.
So she lashes out.

Some things, one said, are perspective altering,
Even when you know them to be
“The tree is now a boat. It can not be a tree again.”
To do that to your own children…
Such callousness. Such envy.
My Grandmother.

Definitely not mi abuelita.
Now that I think of it, she despises that part of us as well.
No love or affection.
The “other”.
Even her own family is “other”.

“I’m so proud of you.”
Really? Of what?
I held my tongue as
She held my hands.
Disingenuous. Manipulative. Cruel.
But this is likely to be it.

You can’t choose your family,
Which is why you choose your partner.
His grandmother doesn’t want us to be together.
Last time they spoke, she gave a lecture.
Some of us have assholes for grandmas.

I love you Grandma, even though you only
Feign your love for me.
If it can even be called feigned..
Fuck you for being so cowardly as to
Put your resentment and inability to love on him.
They say opposites attract.

But then I think of Great Uncle Tom.
More of a Grandpa to us than he ever was.
A kind, caring person, full of light and love.
Whether Grandpa was as cruel as she,
I’ll never know.

Thank the gods for Uncle Tom.
Gone too soon.
Give a fuck about the Toms of the world!
Creating modern families of love.

Some people have assholes for grandmas.
Maybe we’d be better off without them.
So I no longer have a grandma.
I have a Sandy.
No, I have a Sandra.

Matilda Beaumont

Exploring humanity through poetry and short scenes

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