The Day I Met Him Again
I was nervous when I walked into the reading room, searching for a familiar face. It was 10 in the morning and almost all the chairs were empty. Suddenly, through a transparent glass that separates the reading room from library, I saw him.
I saw him sitting all alone in the library, in a not so bright place, staring at his books as if he was searching for answers in them, answers for the questions of “Why”, “How” and “Whatever” that happened. My heart just sank. It felt like somebody’s taken the ventilator off my dying lungs.
He looked at me, and waved his hand but I disappeared behind the wall, started fidgeting with the books in my bag. I was only trying to hide my tears. Yes, I remember he smiled at me but I know him too well to understand the hidden grief behind that smile.
I had been waiting since 2 months to see him. Never thought my wish will be fulfilled this way. Two broken souls on either side of a transparent wall… trying to fake happiness that no longer exists in their life. How much life had changed for both of us. One bad day, all our dreams were shattered.
As expected, he walked into the reading room and came all the way to my desk to talk to me. I couldn’t even manage to say a proper “Hi” to him. It was so hard. We didn’t talk much. We were just silent. It was then that I realized… Heartbreaks never are like how we imagine.
Heartbreaks are silent. They are deep. It’s like someone stabbing deep into your body but slowly, again and again… so that the pain can sink in, so that pain is a lot more sharper than it’s meant to be. You feel weak in your knees, numb. Maybe the worst kind of heartbreaks are the ones where you wanna cry out loud… but there are no more tears left to cry. Where your mind tells you to run, just go hide somewhere but you know you have no where to go, no place to escape to and nobody to free you from this torture.
There I stood, frozen, broken… watching him walk away from me, back to his place. I was counting every step he took. I was wondering… praying… How I wish I knew how to do it! How to plant flowers in his garden when my own flowers are falling dead!