Life is Cruel But Fear Hurts The Most

Being 24 years old, I should be behaving like an adult and a mature woman but honestly I am so fragile that the thought of losing my parents kills me. I have spent many nights where I woke up because of bad dreams and ended up crying in middle of the night. Inconsolable, too weak, crying like a baby, that too in middle of a night.

I exactly don’t know how small kids live their life without any shelter, parents or loved ones. But it breaks my heart when I even think about it. After all these attacks and things going on around the world, when I saw those posts and pictures on social media and newspapers about the death of 1400+ kids and other kids who are alive but lost their parents, it just broke me into tears. I saw a picture of 4-5 year old kid surrounded by men with guns. O god! He doesn’t even know what’s going on. He is just a kid who lost his everything and still is not aware about it. He may not be aware about the demise of his parents. Life is so cruel!

This is not right. God cannot be that harsh on little kids who even don’t know about the world. Since we were born, we are being taught that god created parents because he couldn’t be omnipresent everywhere physically with each child then why he abandoned little born babies and kids? Why they are destined to live without love and care of parents? I just don’t know how they live but I can feel their pain. I have my parents with me 24×7, still I skip a heartbeat just by the thought of losing them. They are my everything. My friends, my love, my life, my family… EVERYTHING!

It makes me feel too small when I see kids and I can’t help them because I am not capable enough to support them. I feel devastated by this feeling of not being worthy enough. I do have niece and nephews. And I am actually very protective for them but face the same condition as I couldn’t do that much for them. I am afraid for them. I always pray for my sisters and brothers-in-law that they have long and healthy lives so that the kids don’t have to face such discrimination by God.

I got nobody to share these feelings and I can’t share this with parents as it will make them weaker. I don’t have that type of friend who is ready to listen to my shit at any time. They all carry their own burden of loss.

This is not a condition that is limited to me but every child whether younger or older than me who love their parents and can’t imagine their life without them. I can’t imagine a single second of my life without my “Maa-Papa”. They are my inspiration, my love, my life, my superheroes. Whether they love me or not, whether I am their beloved kid or not. But I want them with me in my every second of life.

I always had an urge to die but before them, because I know I can’t live without them. It breaks my heart whenever I read or hear about any kid that his/her their parents. It is the worst feeling in the world! And the same goes for the parents as no parent can accept the demise of their child before them.

Life is too short to regret. Life is partial and rude. Live each and every moment with your parents. Cherish their love and presence in your lives.

Papa, you are my #SUPERHERO. Maa, I am no less than your son. I will make you proud one day.

I promise..

Deepshikha Mohan Barthwal

Simple crazy girl.. who love to write and read..

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