Who am I?

Sitting at the top of a mountain, possibly after a trek of about 5 hours uphill, enjoying the immense beauty that is offered by the nature, what do I feel? I feel I have earned this view for myself, I have conquered this satisfaction for myself and nobody can snatch this off me. No matter how many photographs I have clicked, how hit the photos been on the media, that feeling up there after you have tested yourself is just incredible. With the immense peace I was offered there, I do question myself! Who the fuck am I? What do I want in life? What do I wanna create of my life?

Like I have said in my earlier posts too, I believe life is based on moments and the intensity of moments change with time, as change is bound to happen.

I remember until I was in school, as a kid all I wanted was a cycle, that was the only goal I had to accomplish in life! I remember having a whole lot of discussion where my Dadu sanctioned a Hero Ranger cycle for me. It meant the whole world to me. I would take so much pride in it, I rode as much as I could, as fast as I could, I would race! I lived that moment of time of my life.

Probably in a few years, I wanted a scooty! All I could see around the city and in television was scooty, I dreamt of a scooty, I dreamt of how cool I would look when I would enter my tuition’s on my scooty and how much popular I will be among my friends! My love for my Hero ranger was gone by then, even when I saw the cycle kept at some polluted corner of my house it didn’t bother me now. Another moment of life came true, Dad surprised me with a scooty and I would not miss a chance to use it. I again lived that moment of time of my life.

With change in time, our needs and the moments also change! My that happiness changed towards various needs and depending on the intensity, things keep changing every now and then! Moments with mobile, moments of gifting a phone to my brother of my first salary, moments of getting into a particular college. There are every day to day moments we Cherish and live up to our life.

Since my graduation days I started travelling around. Every time I traveled around the outskirts of Bangalore or Karnataka and nearby state, things started to change. The initial days I wanted to travel but that was to take cool photographs and upload them on the social media. I lived those moments when I used to come back and upload them on the media. I lived each and every comments and likes on social networks and I lived my life big time if someone would write a personal note to me regarding the photos. I lived!

With passing time my urge to travel started growing and now I was into riding or driving down to new places, to more adventurous places. To mountains, paragliding, zip linings, sea and oceans and so on. Every new place I visited I used to live my life. These urges grew faster, I felt like I m a biker who probably want to explore the whole world on a bike. Now I stopped booking a cab to a new place or stopped boarding a bus to Manali. I just wanted to ride down to a place, and every time I could do that I lived that time of my life.

College was over and now all I needed was to have a good job in hand, probably the next moment where I was looking for the time of my life and it happened. I lived. Post few years I wanted to do a business and build an empire for myself, I did it for myself, reached that point. That was the time again I lived, lived up to the moment of my life.

By this time I bought myself a car, I lived that moment, there was nothing that could stop me from showing out my pride and I would live every single moment of it. In the mean time I made a few business trips and decided to backpack over Himachal. We took buses and now I realized I am not a biker traveler, I really loved my bus ride and I lived that moment of time of my life. I really did. Now I realized I ain’t any biker or a driver, I am a mere traveler, not just a physical traveler!

Aren’t we travelling everyday and every moment to find that right moment where we would just live; and ain’t that subject to a change? Aren’t we taking on the roads we wanna go? Be it towards a fitness goal, or a business goal, a relationship goal, a food goal, a movie goal, a mobile phone goal, a cloth goal, a party goal, a friendship goal or even a revenge goal? Aren’t we travelling continuously; physically or mentally; to reach that goal and to live that moment of time of our life? And I do think this is never ending; do I even stop or I just keep travelling?

The thing that we are not taking in the count is, while I was living my moment of a motorcycle ride owned by me to one of the toughest roads and again finding that peace and immense beauty, sitting there after conquering and earning; it didn’t make me live the moment once again when I could see a guy on a cycle showing all his pride and probably living his moment of time of his life, it didn’t. All I could do was just pass a short laugh over it. At one point of time all I wanted was to buy myself a riding jacket, a Royal Enfield motorcycle, a cool gloves and a cool bag that can be hung on my bike! Oh I lived that moment, I still do.

That point to be taken in the count is that today I again have a ranger cycle, I ride it and I live my moment! Can we call it a life cycle? Is there anybody else who feel the same way or it’s just me?

I don’t believe in religion, but I do believe in life and its reality, there is this Upanishads called the Chandogya Upanishad, it is the second and third part of this Upanishads talks about life, our position in the universe, the reality and the purpose of a soul. And it’s not just to reproduce and repeat! It is one of the part, but they talk about the universe and has called all the human beings as one, without any division among them. It says the purpose of education is to make a person free of greed, imbibe behavior, make him able to think and respect everything that helps him everyday, but most importantly it talks about the inner calling, the introspected you and that cannot be attained at one place.

To gain a knowledge, you move from point A to point B, not physically but through the path of books, teachers and studies. We pass through time. Pass, path and movement is all that defines the journey or the whole tenure of your life; in another word it is a set of travelling.

“Travelling is an un-ending voyage of discovery; the voyage to know our actual calling”

There are times in life when I feel this is all I wanna do my whole life! But does that question ends there? Not for me.


Kirti Dhanuka

https://holoniokolsthir.wordpress.com/ Change is the only constant! Boundaries are self-created and are binding! You cannot for see, but you can live today. Introspect and learn.

5 Comments

tushitachoudhury · March 4, 2018 at 12:39 pm

Too good

KIRTI DHANUKA · March 4, 2018 at 12:59 pm

Thankyou!! 🙂

jjulliee · March 4, 2018 at 10:14 pm

WOW
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