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The back story – Enigma

I think it’s important to explain who I was before I met James. I was 17 and just coming out of a draining, toxic relationship. For a good few months after I left Jake, I just worked and slept. I had lost everything, not just possessions but I lost myself. He kept me closed off from the world, I had no friends and I was distant from my parents.
After feeling so hurt for such a long time, I began to feel angry. Angry at him for making me into a shadow of myself and I promised myself I would never let anyone do that to me ever again. My 18th birthday came, by that time I had reconnected with some old friends and made some new ones. I realized after going out a few times, men seemed to be attracted to me. I had this power that seemed unnatural, in my head I thought I was this broken bird but on the outside I showed a distant, mysterious persona and they were loving it.

I loved all the attention I was getting. It was intoxicating, knowing that I had them in the palm of my hand. I began dating, nothing serious, just to see how far I could go without getting attached. It was like a game and I was addicted. I loved the chase but once I got what I wanted, I was gone. I put them in categories, the ones I wanted to see after a long day at work for the couple experience, the ones I saw on the weekends for that lazy drive to the mountains for a romantic late breakfast and the new exciting ones, that kept me on my toes as I tried to work them out. For the moment I was happy, not one of them could hurt me. I was in control for the first time in my life and I was loving it.

All of them wanted me but I wasn’t emotionally available. They showered me with gifts, trips away in hopes I would stay. They knew I was broken from my past relationship and tried their best to heal me. I just didn’t want to be healed, I surrounded myself with a wall and didn’t let anyone in.

I decided I need a career change, so I left my job to go study. That is where my journey began. I met Brianna, this loving, beautiful Italian girl. Her laugh was infectious, we soon became close friends.

Meeting her was the pathway to him, the mysterious boy, James who had me hooked.

 


Profile photo of Madison F

Madison F

Follow me on https://myenigma2008.wordpress.com

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