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What Is It About Women That Makes Us So Complicated?

A Woman’s World

What is it about women that makes us so complicated? They say nobody can ever understand a woman. Funny, I don’t believe that’s true. The thing is, the world made us this way. As a woman, to be heard, you basically have to fight. We fought to be counted, we fought to work and earn a living, we fought to be taken seriously, we fought for everything and till today, we are still fighting to be seen as equal. We are strong and we don’t give up. According to Clare Luce, “Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, “She doesn’t have what it takes”. They will say, “Women don’t have what it takes.”

Why treat your son in a different way than you treat your daughter? Why does he get to have more pocket money? Or get to further his education and go for a masters degree? But once your daughter earns a bachelor’s degree, you are all hands off, the next questions is, Don’t you think you should be looking to settle down and have children? Who says it has to be that way? My father has always been someone I admire. Growing up, he always treated my brothers and me equally, to the point that one time, he bought my brothers a toy gun and he bought one for me too. My mum was livid, but all he said was, “If they can shoot, so can she”. So shooting I did, and I did it really good. I am not advising that you buy toy guns for your kids though, let’s keep them as far away from violence as possible, the world has become a crazy place.

Do you have a daughter?

If you have a daughter, teach her to love, tell her she’s special, let her know she can do whatever she sets her mind on, always remind her that no one is more important than herself. Like Paul Tough said, ‘“What matters most in a child’s development, they say, is not how much information we can stuff into her brain in the first few years. What matters, instead, is whether we are able to help her develop a very different set of qualities, a list that includes persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit, and self-confidence”. Believe me when I say, she would need all these to be great.

A woman is strong, just like a teabag, – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. I know a woman, a strong woman, a confident woman, an independent woman, a single mother who had been all by herself for as long as I can remember. Who says you can’t stand strong all by yourself if you have to. “You do not always have to follow the rules, break the rules sometimes or write your own rules”, my friend Chinyere will say. You don’t have to only do the debutante thing like they want you to. Or just take up pageants instead of riding jump bikes with a bunch of grungy boys. Tell them you can do both. Who says you have to be either smart or pretty, or into girly stuff or sports? Life shouldn’t be about the either/or. We’re capable of more than that. You are capable of more than that.

Are women confusing?

Now people will say women are confusing, and sometimes we don’t know when to stop. The truth is, everyone gets confused once in a while, all you need to do is, stop for a moment, focus and think, you will figure it out. We do know what we want, but that’s not what we are after. “You are not supposed to understand a woman. That’s not what she’s after…. She doesn’t want you to understand her. She knows that’s impossible. She just wants you to understand yourself. Everything else is negotiable”. I didn’t say this, Neil Stephenson did, and he is correct.

You know, the world will be a boring place without women. Easier maybe, with little or no drama, but what’s the fun in easy. We love really fast, and we hate with the same passion. We overlook some things and act ignorant, but trust that we know. We are built to last, to fall and get back on our feet. It’s in you as a woman, never let anyone tell you otherwise.

Now there’s this quote that says, “what a man can do a woman can do more better”, it is not a competition, life shouldn’t be one. Instead, it should be “what a man can do, a woman can equally do”. We want to live and exist the same way every other human does, we want to be seen, heard and taken seriously. We don’t want to be judged because you are not God, and you are not perfect either. We just want to be allowed to be ourselves, nothing less.

Remember, there’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who has found herself!

Profile photo of Christine Chioma

Christine Chioma

I am a Nigerian writer who believes in living life to the fullest.


Von Smith · February 24, 2018 at 12:14 am

My wife cast some light on things men find confusing about women. I cast light on things women find confusing about men. The most amazing insight she gave me was that women never stop thinking, ever. When they jump from one thing to another, non-sequitur, they just moved from one thinking “box” to another, without notice. She described it as “spaghetti thinking.” This is a totally foreign concept to men. Hint, try putting markers in your speech when you talk to men. They might understand that you are not relating one topic with another, you are just switching topics. Example, “Now, about shopping, ……” then, “Oh, I met Joan at the hair salon, and guess what she has been doing……”

The most amazing thing to my wife was that men are not thinking all the time. If fact, men have and “empty” thinking box where they live most of the time. When you ask, “what are you thinking?” and we answer, “nothing” we mean it. This is the box we go to when we go fishing or hunting, or watching sports. Events just happen without much mental massaging. We will respond to excitement, such as a fish on the line, or a score by our favorite team. We remain focused on one thing until we exit and pick another thing to focus on. Have you noticed how happy men are doing nothing?

So I suggest announcing why you are asking before you ask the question. This allows the man time to exit a thinking box, or the empty box, to start paying attention to you. Trying to drag a man away from what he is doing without notice will get you the “What was that?” response that has you repeating yourself in a frustrated tone. Example, “Sweetheart?” Wait until you see his eyes, repeat if necessary until he actually looks at you. Otherwise, he is still doing what he was doing. Then, when he looks at you, ask. Example: “Sweetheart?” “Honey?” “Yes?” “I need your help, do you have a minute?” “Of course.” We like to be helpful.

    alagosgirl · February 24, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    Dear Von,

    I communicate clearly and concisely. I do jump from one topic to the other, so I make sure nothing is lost in translation. So when you say your wife has “Spagethi thinking”, that’s your wife, maybe that’s how she chooses to think. She’s like a bumble bee.

    Also, why am I allowing the man exit a thinking box when he’s obviously not doing any thinking. Like you said “Men do not think all the time”. I think the better sentence is “Men rarely overthink things”. And why do I talk to a man like I am talking to a child, I think you give yourself too little credit.

Von Smith · February 24, 2018 at 12:26 am

Have you ever noticed that boys play with boys until about age 12 or 13? They do not invite girls to play with them. Also, boys like rocks and sticks. They like to throw things, hit things, and later shoot things.

Also, girls tend to play with girls until then, partly because boys do not want to play with girls. I do not know if this is evolutionary or cultural or both, But it seems common across the world.

    alagosgirl · February 24, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    Yes, it is common. Another common thing also, are girls and boys that are exceptions.

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