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On The Power of No

Why are we so uncomfortable with no?
Saying no, is so uncommonly used that it has become such a powerful statement. Yet it is always a necessity. If we said yes to everything, we would be drained of energy, resources and time; we are not super-human, or Superman.
When you sit and observe a conversation, you really see the innate fear people seem to have over saying no. But, I have noticed a trend, and please correct me if I am wrong.

When someone invites someone to an event, and they don’t want to go for whatever reason, the male population seems more comfortable with saying no without any justification. Whereas women seem to justify themselves more with reasoning ranging from health to filled schedules and an infinite amount of apologies.

Why do women need to justify themselves more?

It’s interesting and just something I have noticed more recently, but I will be interested to see if the trend continues. But we should feel okay with saying no, either without justification or with a simple explanation, such as ‘I am tired.’ And that explanation should suffice.
When you begin to say no, you will notice your life change. Your own health and wellbeing will improve, time spent with people will be more meaningful and you will get that all important me time. I have found that the best way to decide what to say no to, is to sit and literally make a list. Set out everything in your life that takes up time, and decide what is important to you and what is not. I usually do four sections; important and enjoyable, important but not enjoyable, not important but enjoyable and not important and not enjoyable. Release the not important and not enjoyable and prioritise and cut the other categories down. When you begin to set the elements of your life into these categories, your happiness will increase. Removing toxicity from life can be difficult and upsetting, however it is the most liberating experience.

Saying no, is also important in a conversational setting. Letting people know that what they have said is not okay is very, very powerful. Social convention seems to dictate that even if you disagree with what someone has said, that you should stay quiet in order to avoid confrontation and awkwardness. But, if you don’t hold that person to account, they will take those views into the world thinking that they are okay, because someone who they said them to, did not react negatively. Hold people to account, and at the worst, you will have an educational debate and both of you will come out more informed.

Go out into the world, feeling more able to say no. You have a right. Look after yourself. Time is precious and life is too short to spend it saying yes to everything, especially those things that make you unhappy.

Saying no improves wellbeing, enlightens beliefs, liberalises and life will feel more like a walk along the beach.


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ramblingstudent

Just a writer of a silly random blog trying to make some sense of this scary world. theramblingstudentblog.wordpress.com

9 Comments

Patti Moore Wilson, wednesdayschild2 · February 22, 2018 at 6:36 pm

This is really, really great advice and so well written. I have finally figured out how to say ‘no’: my only regret is that I didn’t figure it out when I was a much younger woman. The funny thing is, most people accept your ‘no’ so much easier than you expected them to. The scenarios we build up in our minds are very often wrong…

    Ramblingstudent

    Ramblingstudent · February 26, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    Thank you for your kind words Patti! It’s often the fear that holds us back from doing most things in life unfortunately. But that is why it feels so good when you beat it!

      Patti Moore Wilson, wednesdayschild2 · March 4, 2018 at 8:18 am

      Hello again! I cannot figure out how to do this in a better way: I was recently nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award and one of the conditions is to nominate 15 other bloggers in turn. I LOVE your blog and I sure hope that you will be pleased to learn that you are one of my nominees. Here is the link to my blog: https://wednesdayschildca.wordpress.com
      With much respect and admiration…

        Ramblingstudent

        Ramblingstudent · March 4, 2018 at 9:13 pm

        Wow, thank you ever so much Patti, that is so kind of you!! Deepest thanks to you!!

          Patti Moore Wilson, wednesdayschild2 · March 4, 2018 at 9:26 pm

          Oh so glad you are pleased about this… I do enjoy your blog and look forward to learning a bit about you…and…it truly was my pleasure…

justrandom247 · February 23, 2018 at 12:04 am

I absolutely love this.

TimeHasNoMeaning · February 25, 2018 at 5:42 am

This is a problem for me. So hard.

    Ramblingstudent

    Ramblingstudent · February 26, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    It can be very difficult to say no. When you begin with small things it can get easier; but it’s a marathon not a sprint. Best to take it slow and be gentle with yourself

Ramblingstudent

Ramblingstudent · February 26, 2018 at 8:27 pm

Thank you for your kind words!

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