The Dream

I had a dream. I was at a party.
The lights were low, all the flooring made of glass
Everyone around me were previous versions of myself
Someone flashed a camera on my face
I didn’t want my picture taken
Because I was ashamed of what I might not yet be.

I told the 5-year old me there was no one waiting for her
And nothing bad would happen if she stopped waking up at midnight
To check the dark corners of her room.
I warned the eleven-year old me not to cut her hair
Or pout her lips at the school photographer.
The 16-year old mes had bruises, corsets, and striped thighs
They were dancing alone, crying, and yelling that they were feeling great
I gave them three shots of vodka each
And the number to the hospital emergency clinic.

I then turned to my incarnation from last year,
And opened my mouth to tell her
“yes”
“the answer is yes”
Then a squint-eyed boy grabbed my arm
And dragged me out of the apartment.
Under the bright urine-colored streetlight, in the tapping November rain,
He lit a blunt, turned to me and told me he was God
And that I had exceeded my limit of legal intervention
He said I was losing time
Trying to redeem the already forgiven.

I cried while he pulled a deep breath, the sweet, prickling scent of marijuana filling the dampened air,
I cried because I didn’t want to go back
Nor did I have time to be anyone’s Jesus
I cried while he just stood there and got high
And when I woke up, the fog had been lifted from my eyes.

It’s not that I don’t care, not that I don’t wish for a
Redemption, to try again
It’s just that I have grown sick and tired of this place
That I’ll never be anything but incomplete,
Leaving behind unmade beds, hair-filled sinks and broken hearts,
Signs of a loss
Not yet gained.


Henna Sjöblom

https://murdertrampbirthday.wordpress.com/

10 Comments

tolstoyfanboy · February 21, 2018 at 9:50 pm

Really great, amazing. Loved it.
Keep up the good work.

ifiweremeagain · February 22, 2018 at 2:54 am

Wow! Mind blowing. I am in “love” with this piece of writing. Excellent.

ifiweremeagain · February 22, 2018 at 2:57 am

I shared this piece of writing on my blog and I hope I did correctly, I mean I am not trying to take credit for your writing or anything. That is why I never share anyone else’s writing, I am not sure if it looks like I am trying to claim it for my own…

    MurderTrampBirthday · February 22, 2018 at 1:53 pm

    Thank you for your kind words and yes, you are welcome to share my writing on your blog anytime, I consider it an honor! Haha. I’d never consider it as trying to “take credit” I’m just glad people like my work!

Patti Moore Wilson, wednesdayschild2 · February 22, 2018 at 6:47 pm

Oh this is truly beautiful…you made me cry…thank you for so eloquently putting into words a waking dream I have often had myself. You are an amazing writer. I wish I had better words to tell you how this touched my heart…

The Dream — Ascerblog – Ifiweremeagain's Blog · February 22, 2018 at 2:55 am

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