What is too much?

In life everybody has a list. A list of things that the ideal partner must possess. But very rarely in life does this ever match the person you end up with. Usually we always end up with someone who is the complete opposite to that list or probably possess only one or two qualities out of our list  of 15. Is that necessarily a bad thing?

Relationships need to be based on emotion and logic. There may be a person who does everything right, everything you’ve ever wanted someone to do for you but you may still not be able to love them with all you have, something still feels like it’s missing. On the other hand there may be another person who doesn’t do almost anything of what you want them to  but you feel a connection, and even though nothing is complete you feel happy and content. When faced with a situation like this which one are you supposed to pick?

I believe in life the most important thing is to be happy and feel loved, because when you’re lying on your death bed nothing else is going to matter. The only thing that will cross your mind is the people you loved, whether they loved you back or not and whether you did everything you wanted to do. You’re not going to think of that one business meeting you missed or that one deal that didn’t go through. Instead you’ll think of that one holiday you went for, that one fun race you watched, that one fun night you had. People give work and success so much importance they forget about relationships.

Don’t get me wrong. I think work is a very important and essential part of a person’s life; not just for sustenance but for an overall development of personality and self worth more than anything. It gives you a sense of achievement and satisfaction, whether you’re a stay at home mom doing a hobby or the CEO of multi billion dollar company. Just doing something productive makes you feel happy about yourself.

But what about your relationships? Why do we take our relationships for granted? When starting a business we put in so much effort and work with such gusto to make it a success, then why when it comes to a new relationship do we behave like if it requires work it isn’t worth it? When a child is born a mother works to bring up the child. She invests a lot of time and hard work. She doesn’t think for one second oh but if it requires work and time then it isn’t worth it. Even a plant requires tending to. There’s nothing in life that grows and flourishes without one giving it adequate time and attention.

Yes loving someone should be effortless but expecting a relationship with someone to constantly be smooth sailing without any hiccups is an unfair and unrealistic expectation to have. Of course everything has it’s limits. How many hiccups is too many hiccups? How much effort is too much effort? I think that’s directly proportionate to the love you have for someone. Think about it like a business proposal. The more the profit the more work hours you’re willing to give. In the same way the more the feelings the more effort you’re willing to put.

But what do you do if you’re willing to put in the time and effort but the other person isn’t? People say if you want something you have to be the one to make it happen. Do whatever it takes to get it. But in a relationship where do you draw the line to preserve your self respect? What is too much? How do you know when is the right time to let go? To stop trying?

pixie dust19

A journey of love, life, emotions, feelings & relationships

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