Sitting by the window and staring out at the vast expanse of water that continues all the way to the horizon and beyond, I ponder where life has brought me. I feel a sense of calmness and inner peace that I’ve never felt before. Looking back at life, the only thing I can compare myself to is a rat in a maze, running helter-skelter not sure of where I’m going and what I’m doing or why I’m doing it.
I braved through every storm and made it this far. It’s been a long journey. It makes me proud of myself to be where I am. But now, after all that I’m at a strange crossroad in my life. When I had the time I spent it giving the wrong people chances, not one, but several chances. And now when the seemingly right person has come along, I can’t get myself to give him one chance. Is that stupidity, fear or wiseness? It’s hard to tell. I know where I want to be and he knows where he wants to be. There definitely is something special there. But after having my heart been broken so many times over, do I have the courage to gamble it again, even if it is two pocket aces that I have? It may be a safe bet. Albeit, still a bet.
Sometimes I feel like we’re just God’s puppets, that he puts in the most ridiculous situations for sheer entertainment value. Do I play the gamble and give a bright happy future a chance, hoping for the best? Or do I take the safe road which seems to have a pretty bleak future? The stakes are high.
I continue staring out the window, hoping for some sign that will tell me what to do…